


And That's Okay

by oldmountainsoul



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Panic Attacks, Psychological Trauma, Touch Averse Character, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 07:29:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17055725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oldmountainsoul/pseuds/oldmountainsoul
Summary: Sometimes things that never bothered someone when they were happening, resurface later when they're safe, when they can finally let their guard down and process what they've been through.But Adora has never once processed anything in her entire life. Lucky for her, Glimmer is there to help pick up the pieces when Adora has her first ever panic attack.





	And That's Okay

The sky over Bright Moon was blue and filled with slowly drifting fluffy clouds, the sun was shining, the gardens were green and the birds were singing, and Bow and Glimmer had dragged Adora away from training for the afternoon for a 'picnic' and 'chocolate chip cookies.'

 

It was sweet--quite literally, in this case at least--how the 'best friends squad' was determined to fill in the gaps in Adora's extremely lacking education when it came to how normal, not-Horde people lived. Today's cookies were but one among many of the 'lessons' they'd been dragging her off to lately, and were, quite frankly, fantastic.

 

Much like everything else Glimmer and Bow had been introducing her to since she'd met them.

 

Everything was better now that Adora had left the Fright Zone behind her. Sure, the guards at Bright Moon occasionally still gave her wary looks and avoided her, but she hardly noticed that anymore, not with how Glimmer and Bow had all but glued themselves to her side.

 

"I told you that she'd love them, Bow!" Glimmer crowed, playfully elbowing Bow in the ribs.

 

"Of course she does! Who doesn't love chocolate chip?" Bow exclaimed. "It's a tragedy that anyone would be deprived of them."

 

"I dunno about a tragedy," Adora chuckled, grabbing another cookie or three from the picnic basket. "But I definitely think we might need to add them to the best friends squad's repertoire."

 

"I can tell! Slow down Adora, you're getting chocolate all over your face--here, let me--" Glimmer giggled as she grabbed a napkin, gently reaching up to hold Adora's chin steady as she wiped off the other girl's cheek.

 

Adora’s eyes widened and she froze in place, back and shoulders going ramrod straight _as her heart leaped into her throat and then died there, choking out her voice._

 

"There! Good as new," Glimmer proclaimed proudly when she finished, seemingly oblivious to Adora’s distress.

 

Adora's stomach dropped, suddenly shivering as she felt a chill go down her spine and her veins fill with ice.

 

She couldn’t ruin this, Glimmer and Bow were just trying to be nice, they had planned a wonderful day together and they didn’t deserve to deal with--deal with whatever this was.

 

"I, um, uh, thanks," she choked out, suddenly jerking herself away from Glimmer, shuddering in visceral disgust as the memory of a sickeningly sweet voice crooned in her ears, forcing out any other thoughts but _panic_ and _shame._

 

_“Adora...”_

 

_“Adora!”_

 

_“Oh, Adora, my darling, glittering girl… How could you make such a simple mistake? Must you disappoint me so?”_

 

_“I would expect such behavior from Catra, but never from you, Adora...”_

 

"I--I just remembered something. I need to go. Right now," Adora stammered past the lump in her throat, climbing to her feet and bolting from the courtyard before her friends could respond.

 

She needed some air.

 

Needed.... some water.

 

Maybe a lot of water.

 

Maybe several thousand gallons of water and a lifetime of showers and all the soap in the world--

 

And if only they made soap for her brain so she could just get--

 

If she could just get rid of the feeling of _bony hands grasping her face, turning her to face the mask, that mask, and those withered claws ghosting across her skin_ and that voice, that horrible, horrible sickeningly sweet _voice_ that scraped across her nerves like sandpaper, leaving her raw and open and vulnerable and so very, very small and--

 

She just needed to get it _off get it off get it off_ , she thought frantically, as she dashed out of sight of Bow and Glimmer along one of the garden paths, running straight to one of Bright Moon’s many fountains and immediately dunking her head under the water.

 

And _gods,_ it was so cold it was like stabbing her face full of needles, but still she forced herself to stay under, scrubbing at her face until it was raw and her lungs burned, trying to tear her way out of her own skin.

 

“Breathe. Just breathe, Adora,” she ordered herself when she finally had to come up for air, collapsing to the cobblestones beneath her, resting her head against the fountain.

 

“Don’t think. Just fight it through and _breathe,_ dammit,” she said through grit teeth.  

 

This was-- this was nothing. It never... It never hurt then, back there, back in the Fright Zone. It wasn't.... comfortable, the way Shadow Weaver would single her out for her twisted form of ‘affection’ but it was never…

 

It had never bothered her like this before; why now? Why now, when she’d finally left Shadow Weaver and the Fright Zone behind her? Why was it so much _worse,_ when everything was supposed to be _better_ here? When she was finally _safe?_

 

It never felt like _this,_ before.

 

It had never felt so...

 

_Wrong and terrible and like her heart was in her throat at the same time it was beating out of her chest and why was everything so loud and so bright and just so much, all at once--_

 

“Breathe,” Adora gasped, tearing herself out of the thought and taking one deep breath before forcing her head under the water again, and this time when she came up for air she felt tears burning at her eyes, leaving warm trails down her cheeks as she sobbed and desperately tried to catch her breath.

 

“Y-you’re _fine,_ this is _fine,_ and you’re just being _stupid,_ Adora, it was _nothing_ and you’re just ruining _everything_ and it’s all _your_ fault everything is _awful_ \--”

 

“I don’t think you’re fine at all, Adora,” Glimmer said quietly, suddenly appearing beside her in a shower of sparkles.

 

Adora barked out a harsh laugh. “W-what makes you say that, Glimmer?” She gestured to her own drenched jacket, to her red eyes and the tears still streaming down her scratched up face, to her soaking wet hair falling out of its ponytail.

 

“I’m t-totally fine, Glimmer. This is just…. allergies. Yeah! Totally just allergies. Turns out, I’m allergic to chocolate chip cookies, ha! Who knew? Not me!” Adora sputtered, ending with more nervous, manic laughter.

 

Glimmer simply frowned at her. “No, you’re not, Adora. And you don’t have to _lie_ about that sort of stuff. Not here. No one’s going to think less of you here. Bow and I think the world of you, and there isn’t anything you could do that would change that. Not anything,” she said, shifting closer to Adora.

 

“It’s not--it’s nothing like that, I’m fine, I promise--” Adora tried again.

 

Glimmer silenced her with a hard look. “You are _not_ fine, and it is _not okay_ for you to run off like that and pretend that nothing’s wrong, Adora! You shouldn’t have to deal with this sort of thing alone! We’re your friends! We’re here to help you!” she shouted.

 

“I know you’re my friends!” Adora shouted back, the effect lessened somewhat by the snot dribbling from her nose. She sniffled and turned away, resting her back against the fountain and drawing her knees to her chest.

 

“I know you’re my friend,” Adora repeated. “I just… didn’t want to drag you all down with me. I’m sorry for ruining everything.”

 

“You haven’t ruined _anything,_ Adora,” Glimmer said softly. “Can I hug you? Would that help?”

 

Adora shrugged. Hugs… were still new to her. They simply weren’t _done_ in the Fright Zone, but Bow and Glimmer were nice, and the only people who hugged her, really, so she figured hugs were nice enough, too.

 

“Or would hugs just make it worse?” Glimmer added worriedly.

 

Adora shook her head. “You… You can hug me, if you want. It’s not… I’m not going to freak out on you again.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Adora nodded, then dropped her head back down to rest on her knees which she still had hugged to her chest.

 

Slowly, carefully Glimmer shifted closer, watching Adora for any sign or reaction as she gradually wrapped her arms around Adora’s shoulders.

 

“Did I do something wrong?” Glimmer asked, her voice the tiniest Adora had ever heard it.

 

Adora shook her head vehemently. “No, never, you’re--You’re perfect, Glimmer. You’ve always been perfect. This is just….”

 

Adora’s gaze dropped to the ground. “This is just me being weird. I don’t know why.”

 

Glimmer gave her a disbelieving look. “This is a little beyond ‘being weird,’ Adora.”

 

Adora flinched. “I’m sorry; it won’t happen again.”

 

“No!” Glimmer exclaimed, hugging her tighter. “That’s not what I meant! If you, if you um, need to, you can do this whenever! I just meant….”

 

Glimmer snuggled closer, looking up at Adora’s face. “You don’t need to pretend that everything’s fine. You can freak out whenever you need to. It’s a lot better if you just let things out when you feel them, you know?”

 

“I uh, _don’t_ know, actually. Never really… tried that,” Adora admitted.

 

Glimmer huffed indignantly. “Well you _should,_ and _now_ you know!” Her expression softened. “Adora, it’s okay to be uncomfortable, or anxious, or angry, or sad, or scared, or whatever it is you’re feeling right now, okay? It’s okay.”

 

“It doesn’t feel okay,” Adora mumbled.

 

“And that’s okay, too,” Glimmer replied, resting her head on Adora’s shoulder. “Do you wanna talk about it?” she asked.

 

“I…” Adora hesitated. _I really, really do not want to talk about it._ “Maybe?”

 

Glimmer nodded. “You don’t have to. That’s okay, too.”

 

Adora huffed out a little laugh. “Sounds like _everything’s_ okay.”

 

“Well, everything except for you, dummy,” Glimmer teased, tapping Adora’s forehead.

 

Adora flinched.

 

And then Glimmer’s eyes widened in recognition. She immediately pulled back and leaped to her feet.

 

“Oh! _Oh._ This is--this is all because I touched your face, isn’t it! I'm so sorry! You don’t like that, do you?” she exclaimed.

 

“Uh…” Adora felt the lump in her throat again. Was… was that it? Was it that simple? How could something so _small_ and so _dumb_ make it feel like she was literally  _dying?_

 

“I guess that… was… it,” she said slowly. “I mean it was something Shadow Weaver used to do a lot in a…. very uncomfortable way whenever I was being punished, or Catra was being punished, or really whenever I did anything in her vicinity--”

 

“Say no more! I’m really sorry, I won’t do it ever again. Never ever. No more touching Adora’s face. For anyone. Ever,” Glimmer said seriously.

 

Adora mustered up a tiny smile. “...Thanks, Glimmer.”

 

“Thank me when I’m not giving you panic attacks, dummy,” Glimmer muttered, plopping back down next to Adora. “This still okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Adora nodded. “This is okay.”

 

Glimmer snuggled up to her and leaned her head back on Adora’s shoulder. “I like this a lot better anyways.”

 

Adora laughed softly, resting her head on top of Glimmer’s. “...yeah, I do too.”

 

Glimmer snorted. “I should hope so! That’s a _really_ low bar, Adora.”

 

Adora laughed, immediately leaping to Glimmer’s defense at the unintentional slight. “And you pass it with flying colors! Way over the bar, Glimmer. Super over the bar. Mega over the bar.”

 

“Stop that! Don’t be so cute when _I’m_ supposed to be the one making _you_ feel better, Adora!” Glimmer demanded.

 

“I am not cute!” Adora protested.

 

Glimmer scoffed. “You are literally the _most_ cute, how can you not know that? You’re like some kind of anxious golden retriever puppy in human form, Adora!”

 

“I don’t know what that is!” Adora protested, but it was too late, Glimmer was already on her feet, dragging Adora by the hand behind her and shouting.

 

“OH MY GODS HOW HAVE WE NOT INTRODUCED YOU TO PUPPIES YET, WE NEED TO FIND BOW AND FIX THIS IMMEDIATELY-- I PROMISE THAT PUPPIES WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.”

 

“That’s not--that’s not really necessary--” Adora stammered.

 

Glimmer didn’t stop walking, only looked back at her with the most serious look a princess of sparkles could muster. “Puppies are _always_ necessary, Adora.”

 

“Besides, I kind of owe you for causing that freakout,” Glimmer mumbled. “So I’m going to make it up to you and introduce you to puppies. Because friends don’t let friends go on living as if puppies don’t exist.”

 

“Um, okay.”

 

“And,” Glimmer added, looking back over her shoulder. “If anything like this ever happens again, you let me know, okay? You’re my best friend, Adora. You’re part of the best friends squad now. Friends help other friends. It’s the rules. We’re there for each other.”

 

She gave Adora’s hand a reassuring squeeze, and finally Adora was able to return her smile as she nodded.

 

Glimmer beamed. “And besides, why would I want to be anywhere else, when I could be with you?”

 


End file.
